The beauty of music is that it has the ability to speak to you. Sometimes certain songs catch you at a time you need to hear them and become intertwined with your feelings and memories of your life at that point in time. A song can be subjective- it can mean different things to different people. Other songs are deep and clear, and invoke powerful emotions about a certain subject.
That’s how I felt when I first heard “Ghost” from Badflower. “Ghost” is a song about battling depression and anxiety. The song sees the character in the song attempt to commit suicide several times, each time getting closer to the end. When the song comes to an end, so does the story. And it doesn’t end well.
As I listen to this song, I can hear the character fall deeper into his depression. The chorus is chilling, a plea to escape from the pain and avoid being resigned to haunt those who care for him. But it takes on new meaning with each verse. I have never personally struggled with depression, but I have deeply cared about a few people who have. I have seen a lot of the same feelings of pain and expressions in this song. The first time I heard it, it hit me. Now it affects me to the point I can hardly listen. This song has been an experience for me and it is one that I want to share with the Spinning Thoughts community.
“And all I really wanted was someone to give a little fuck. I waited there forever but nobody ever looked up.”
At first, there is a veiled desire for attention and belonging. This distance causes the character to hurt and want escape, a very relatable experience.
“Maybe I’m alive because I didn’t really wanna die…” At this point our character is hurt, but not yet at the end.”
“I thought about my friends and the way I didn’t give enough. And I should have told my mother “Mom, I love you” like a good son…”
The remorse, love and longing in this statement are chilling to me. “My blood is all around me, I get dizzy if I stand up. The cutting part was easy but regretting it is so fucked.” I have a physical reaction every time I hear these words. I get weak. I can imagine the feeling of powerlessness and the events that led to this point. But it is the end of the song that moved me so far to the point I needed to share.
“I tried it once again and I think I went too far. I cut a little deeper and the pressure stopped my heart. I couldn’t tell my mother that I love her, I’m a bad son- This life is overwhelming and I’m ready for the next one.”
I have never felt the way this song makes me feel. This song has had a powerful effect on me, because of situations I have been in that are not my own. It triggers memories that I had placed out of my mind for years. It is such a powerful message. And it is truly unsettling.
This song gave me a brief glimpse to the feelings of helplessness and pain that too many people feel on a daily basis. Don’t feel alone. It’s okay to make mistakes- we all do. If you are feeling overwhelmed, talk to someone- you ARE loved. If you are struggling, shoot me a message. I’d be more than happy to chat. And if this doesn’t resonate with you, that’s cool too. Be kind to each other. Take care of each other.
Share with a friend who loves music